QUOTE: “I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.” Harry S. Truman

Key Takeaway: Clarity means here’s what must improve, here’s why it matters, and here’s what great looks like. Kindness means I believe in you. I assume positive intent. I want you to succeed. When you hold both Clarity and Kindness, your feedback becomes a gift instead of a threat.

CONCEPT

Why is feedback so hard? Most leaders don’t avoid feedback because they don’t care. They avoid it because they care deeply — and don’t want to get it wrong. We are concerned abouttheirneeds and emotions. We are concerned aboutourneeds and emotions. We jump to conclusions. Because we’re human.

I have read so many articles on feedback, taken trainings, and tried many ideas. As we saw in my previous article, you need to fit the feedback to the individual and situation. I have almost always done this as I grew as a Leader. However, Apple is where I really honed in on my feedback process. It was still used individually for each person, as everyone is different. They respond and react differently. When you add in cultures, it adds an extra layer to keep front-of-mind.

There is a book, and one of the trainings I received at Apple, about framing feedback within the system of Radical Candor. The way it was taught was, to “Create Kindness and Clarity.” These come from the concepts discussed in the book Scott, Kim. Radical Candor: Fully Revised & Updated Edition. St. Martin’s Press, 2019. It was so effective for me that I even teach that now as a course, and is my most often provided coaching topic. I strive to be in the Radical Candor quadrant (see table at bottom). And like all humans, I fluctuate in any given day around all the quadrants.

QUOTES

Let’s dive into this framework by looking at some quotes and questions I have collected over the years regarding feedback. These have helped me as I work on each individual’s feedback needs.

• You are conjuring not calling out. Conjure means calling forth what’s already possible in someone, not calling them out.

• What is your vision of someone else? See people as a process to help guide to greatness.

• What’s the next best step you could take?

• Trust Totally: “What is a piece of bad news/info I/you wouldn’t want to hear”

• Feedback should become a service, not a stressor.

• The toughest for me at times has been: “Assume positive intent.”

CLARITY IN DEPTH

Clarity is expectations and growth paths which are unmistakably clear. It means freedom from ambiguity. This means telling people what they need to hear so they don’t have to decode what you mean. Any feedback should be humble and helpful. As I have stated before, you must actively solicit feedback so they see that it is part of the acceptable culture, and expected. You must Communicate not Complain!

Clarity must be a fundamental aspect of your culture. You must create a culture of Clarity, so your team can provide clear feedback. This will lead to them fixing things you didn’t even know were broken. You must find and create opportunities to provide impromptu feedback. You need to ensure anyone receiving feedback knows to ask questions to get full Clarity. You should also be ready to ask questions for any feedback you receive.

• “Could you unwrap that for me?”

• “I’m curious, why is that important?”

• “What do you mean by …”

• “What I think I am hearing you say is….”

• “I need you to do X by Y. Get back to me by Z.”

• “I am not clear yet, What exactly do you want me to do?”

KINDNESS IN DEPTH

Kindness means not varnishing (sugarcoating) the “truth.” Kindness is people feeling valued and respected. Kindness means telling people specifically what they need to hear, or do, to be their best. It’s important to care about your team and figure out the best ways to get, give, and encourage feedback from everyone.

Kindness is not comfort. It’s commitment to someone’s growth.

Statements and Questions can include:

• “What you’re doing isn’t working, what could you do differently?”

• “Are you getting the results you want?”

• “I appreciate the effort you gave. To be more successful, you should do/say…..”

MY RADICAL (COMPASSIONATE) CANDOR GRID FOR REFERENCE:

TIP

When Leaders master Clarity and Kindness, four things happen:

1. Expectations become unmistakably clear.

2. Performance conversations become normal, not emotional.

3. Trust grows because people feel respected.

4. Accountability becomes easier because the standard is visible and shared.

This single skill elevates team culture faster than anything else I teach. As you reflect on your own leadership, ask yourself: Where do I default — clarity without kindness, or kindness without clarity?

Affiliate link to Scott, Kim. Radical Candor: Fully Revised & Updated Edition. St. Martin’s Press, 2019.

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